Friday, February 12, 2010

Pondering... so much to think about...

How can this be?  I haven't felt much like blogging lately.  I guess I feel overwhelmed that there's so much to say and so little time in my day to get it all down.  It's kinda like a pending essay that needs to get done and you have serious writer's block and can't even manage to get your pen to the paper (or fingers on the keyboard.)  I've also been awarded 3 blog awards in the past month or so, but each asks for long lists of information, which takes time and thought.  My thoughts are all over the place right now.

When I post something new, I'm also "picture-driven".  I will see a photo of my kids, or just something John Michael is doing, and that will inspire my writing.  But I haven't taken any photos in over a week!  Something's not quite right.

Here are some things on my mind lately, in no particular order:

  • A couple of my blogging friends, Jennifer (she's local!) and Lisa are adopting beautiful children from eastern Europe.  I honestly believe that if I weren't expecting my 5th child right now, we would be seriously considering this option for our family.  Doug has often asked if I would be open to adopting a child, and until Reece's Rainbow and other wonderful families showed us the way, I would always say, "no".  John Michael has done more for our family in his 2 years, than I ever could have imagined!  Sofia and Alina are sooo fortunate to be finding their forever families, and both are families I've followed for a while and I'm overjoyed for them.

  • On 3/3/10, I'm going to speaking to the student body at my older kids' school about the R word and Down syndrome.  I'm a little nervous, but have much of it planned in my head.  The first talk will be for TK through 2nd grade, and shorter in length.  My Friend Isabelle is one of my favorite stories and it is narrated in video style, which I want to show them.  I will also talk about John Michael and use some tips from Hi, I'm Ben.  I Have a Secret.  John C. McGinley also does a couple great longer 4 to 5 minute video clips with the amazing hip hop dance group, The Strikers, to talk about the R word (it's on under resources).  I plan to show those as well.  For the 3rd to 8th grade group, I will show the middle school version of McGinley's clip, talk about Ds via PowerPoint, and end with "Difference is an Artist's Game" on YouTube.  It's an amazing video essay written and narrated by an 8th grade girl about her little brother who has Ds and she compares him to a Picasso painting.  At the end, I will have the kids sign a banner pledging to "SPREAD THE WORD TO END THE WORD" and encourage them to do it online at home as well.
  • I also think about the dynamics of having another baby.  I sit here typing and I can feel the little guy kicking me... gently... or nudging me to get off the computer.  Not sure.  Will he have curly blond hair like Nic, straight blond hair like John Michael, red hair like Greta, a sensitive nature like Anna?  Will he be a Lego fanatic like Nic?  What will he be like, what will his unique, unrepeatable, irreplaceable qualities be?  How will this new little soul impact our family?  Will I remain sane (ha ha) with the additional physical demands on me?  What will we name him?  We are at a loss for boy names that fit our family.  So much to think about... 
  • I'm often asked if I had prenatal testing to make sure this baby doesn't have Down syndrome.  I don't know about your experiences, but John Michael has by far been my easiest going child, the one who only cries when he gets hurt, not fussy, quick to hug and kiss.  I'm grateful he has thus far been spared of major medical issues.  He turns heads everywhere he goes and his quick smile and wave can melt anyone's heart.  No, I only had a level 2 ultrasound.  I declined genetic counseling.  At this point, I don't need someone telling me that my chances for having another child with Ds, based on my age and having a child already w/ Ds is between 1 in 25 and 1 in 50.  What would I do about it anyway?  Nothing.  Just love this little baby like all the others.
So, that's why I haven't blogged in a while.  Partly, it's because I didn't have a photo to springboard from, and partly it's because I have so much internal wrestlessness going on inside and I'm praying for the supernatural peace that only Christ can give.  If you're the praying type... your prayers are most welcome.

Enjoy your Saint Valentine's Day.  Peace be with you (and me).


  1. Monica, I think we all go through those times. So much going on both in our lives and in our mind that it can be hard to translate the workings of our lives into written words. All that, plus being pregnant, it is not at all surprising that you are pondering. I will keep you in my prayers.

  2. I'm with you on the testing thing. I find that question to be quite rude- I'm sure people mean well, but what are they really asking? After Luke was born, lots of people asked us "But didn't you have the test?". We didn't, but there was a reason for that- it was pointless.

    I think you sound very busy, so we'll take what we can get :) Your presentation sounds great, and good luck for that.

    Take care of yourself.


  3. I feel like that at times... life just gets ahead of me. Good luck with your presentation! You're amazing!

  4. There is a season for everything. Including blogging! I definitely go through ebbs and flows as well. Love you!

  5. You know my prayers are always with you.

    I've missed your posts so I was so happy to see this!

    I can't wait to meet Baby Crumley #5 :)!!

  6. Have a wonderful time at your presentation you will do great! As far as the blogging, I think we all go through the same thing. Pictures are so much easier sometimes.
    I just cant believe some people, why does it matter if you have the tests done, is it really their business, do they know JM well or are they just being nosy? B/C you would think that would not be an issue, oh well some peole just think they have to find something to say. You will be in my prayers

  7. Cool! Good luck with the presentation! I'd love to hear how that goes.

  8. I just want to encourage you that adding number five to our family was, by far, our easiest transition! Praying a similar experience for you.

  9. praying all is well for you and baby. happy vday

  10. Monica,

    You, your blog and sweet family inspire me. Know the peace of Christ is always with you. He will take from you your concerns and bring you only peace. Trust him and know that he makes no mistakes! Many blessings. My prayers are with you. I had my beautiful child at 43 and she is such a gift.